I wanted to follow-up this article Happy to be unhappy I read last week. To paraphrase, everyone is trying so hard to be positive, they’re making themselves miserable.
It’s has to do with expectations. By idealizing our goals, putting them on pedestals, visualizing unreal outcomes, we crash pretty hard when the reality slaps us in the face. That fall can cause major depression. The yo-yo of expectations can make the mood swings that much worse.
Am I saying not to have expectations? No. How else can we gauge progress? But we need to temper them so we can
a. Achieve success
b. Survive disappointment if success doesn’t happen
Lowering expectations isn’t a bad thing. I’m sure the divorce rate would be lower if everyone lowered their expectations. I think people are looking for that perfect person. Well, I hate to break it to you. That person doesn’t exist. They snore, they forget your birthday, they put clothes “on” the hamper, instead of “in” hamper. They sing off tune, or they sing songs and replace the actual lyrics with dirty lyrics (my wife biggest peeve). Every person in the world does something that irritates you. It may be something very minor and despite their “Star Wars” collection, you love them anyways. Sometimes, it’s something major, like not knowing that hitting on your sister is a bad thing. But no one is that perfect prince or princess you are hoping for. But there are a lot of compatible people out there that with effort (all marriages are some sort of effort) can be a very happy and productive life.
As we set goals and expectations, we need to sprinkle a dash of negative thinking so we can cope with failure and also plan for success.
